Crystal: ‘Every time the cameras were down, RuPaul was cracking jokes’

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The funniest standup I’ve ever seen …

My first thought was Margaret Cho. I used to watch her DVDs at 18 while stoned, and just marvel at her talking about sex and gay rights.

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The funniest sketch I’ve ever seen …

Kylie Brakeman on Twitter re-enacting various Trump bot accounts, but basically any sketch she does: “Hello my name is suburban housewife, my job is America, and my husband is a gun.”

The funniest book I’ve ever read …

Recently, [Andrea Lawlor’s] Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl. I felt personally attacked by it constantly. For example, Paul needs a job and starts listing his known talents: “Shoplifting, washing dishes, knowing what was going to be fashionable a little bit early … having sex … being gay.”

The funniest TV show I’ve ever seen …

It’s got to be Fleabag. I watched it a few years late and really wasn’t prepared for Olivia Colman in it. She’s perfect.

The funniest film I’ve ever seen …

Mean Girls still stacks up 16 years later and is still supremely quotable. “Boo, you whore.”

The funniest person I know …

RuPaul! Every time the cameras were down, he was cracking jokes, flipping off the cameramen and hitting on the pit crew.

The funniest heckle I’ve ever had …

It’s not really a heckle, it’s a read, but RuPaul telling me (about my Snatch game performance) that my “Blanche was bland” has to be up there.

The funniest hairstyle I’ve ever had …

Oh God. Do you remember faux hawks? Mine was dyed a sunset ombre, transitioning from yellow to red. It was not fetch.

The funniest thing that shouldn’t be funny …

Karen compilation videos. I’m obsessed. “Calm dowwwwn!”

The funniest word …

“Scurryfunge”: it’s the act of furiously tidying your house because you’ve got company or a hot date coming. I used to call it “shamming”, as in: this picture I’m painting of having my life together is a total sham, but then I discovered a real word for it.

The funniest joke I’ve ever heard …

“So a baby seal walks into a club … ” What?! I’m Canadian. I’m allowed.

Crystal’s podcast The Things That Made Me Queer is out on 19 Jan

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